Quantitative Metathesis

Cor Simplex Crea in Me, Deus

2009-07-06T19:36:00.003-07:00

As the day draws nearer that I will get to enter the cloister walls to live, often I find myself asking myself, "why?" Why has God chosen to call me to this life? Why have I decided to follow? Why, despite all the sacrifices it entails and all the suffering my decision has sparked, do I find a well of peace within my heart? Why does my whole being rejoice with a feeling very close to relief at the prospect of soon entering formation to be a Passionist nun?

To the first question, I will never know the answer. God alone, may His name be praised, knows why He has called this fallen, weak, and fickle young blunderer into such an intimacy with Him. I would say that there is some mistake, that I must be wrong...except that every time I dare to entertain those thoughts, something very obvious happens to reconfirm His will and His call. He is not to be argued with!

The answer to the second "why" is always the same: I decide to follow Him because, well, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life." The bigger question, really, is why on earth I took so many years to hear the question...and then so many more years to assent.

Whence comes the peace amidst the storm, and the relief in looking toward the future? I am convinced that it must be a matter of the heart. Right now my heart is very complex, divided into many rooms and fortified battlements and alleys leading in many and sundry directions. I have many loves, both ordered and disordered, that abide therein. It is rather like a medieval Italian fortress-city: beautiful, but also chaotic, crowded, convoluted, messy, and made of stone. But my heart, unlike the Italian city, was not made to be all of these things. It yearns not for chaos but for order, so that it can embrace and love more fully all the goods that come its way.

One of the most beautiful -- and most challenging -- facets of convent life, at least that I have noticed, is its ability to foster a simplicity of heart. Nearly every time I speak with a sister who has lived her vocation for many years, I am struck by how unified her love is, indeed, how wholly she is God's. She has become simple, not so much in her mind or actions -- for nuns have sharp wits and manifold pursuits, just like the rest of us! -- but certainly in her being and in her heart. You see, the very life and rhythm of the convent is ordered toward inward and outward simplicity. Every word and action there is deliberate and meaningful, and the silence fosters an awareness of self as does no other place that I've encountered. One realizes very quickly, in such an environment so singly pointed toward God, one's own dividedness.

I yearn to be undivided. I yearn to be perfectly ordered toward God who is Love, so that I can have the freedom to love everyone even more than I already do...but without feeling torn and pulled in opposite directions by my loves. And so I look toward the beginning of my formation with relief, knowing that I am about to enter the purifying fires of love...namely, poverty, chastity, and obedience.

Cor simplex crea in me, Deus.
An undivided heart create in me, o God.

Congratulations, Sister Rose Marie!

2009-07-03T08:58:00.004-07:00

I know I usually only post once a week, and I've written *three* posts already this week, but this news is too good to have to wait any longer! It seemed like Sponsa Christi would never get around to posting the news on the Passionists' blog, but she finally has, and it is my great pleasure to proclaim the news on QM:

We have a new novice!

Click on over to In the Shadow of His Wings and check out the wonderful post on Postulant Shannon's vestition in the holy habit and her new name: Sister Rose Marie of the Merciful Heart of Jesus. Deo Gratias!

We interrupt our regularly scheduled silence...

2009-07-02T16:01:00.002-07:00

...to bring you this awesome addition to the Vatican Webpage:

The Virtual Scavi Tour!

*curtsey to Argent for the find!

Year for Priests

2009-06-30T20:42:00.003-07:00

I was traveling on the Solemnity of the Sacred Heart, and therefore missed my opportunity to mark (on the blog) the opening of the Year for Priests that our holy father has proclaimed. Instead, I united myself in prayer with all of my priestly brothers that day in a particular way, and I rejoiced that I will have the privilege of entering religious life during this year. Dear Fathers, whoever you are that read this post, let this be a thank you and a thank God for your vocations. My life, poor as it is, is offered for you.

Pope Benedict quotes St. John Vianney near the beginning of last week's letter to priests: "The priesthood is the love of the heart of Jesus”, the Cure of Ars would often say. The priesthood is the love of the heart of Jesus.

Can you sense the majesty of that statement? The dignity that all priests have, by the very nature of their ordination? The gravitas of the priesthood, not by any human contrivance, but by its very being? The love of the heart of Jesus.

When I think if the heart of Jesus, immediately I see in my mind's eye a Man hanging from a Cross, with a flood pouring from His pierced side. His precious, sacred heart overflowing with love, pouring out His life for love of us, that we might live and love in return.

And then I see that river of life flowing from His heart into a chalice, offered upon an altar as a living sacrifice of love, eternally poured out, eternally offered up, eternally drawing all His children into the communion of love that is the blessed Trinity Himself.

I see the joy that wells up from that chalice of life in each one of us who come to the altar. I see the love into which we are drawn, which bursts out of us into the world. I see the body of Christ knit together into one, constantly sustained and renewed by the river of life that flows from that pierced heart beating at its very core.

Fathers, you dwell in that pierced heart. You are not only His friends, but His mouth, and His hands, and His feet in this world. You pour out His same, lifegiving love in the sacraments, and by your very lives you give to the whole world a witness of the greatest gift we have ever known.

Fathers, I thank you for your fiat.
I thank you for your fidelity.
I thank you for the times when you are exhilarated with God's love.
I thank you for the times when you are pierced and dying with God's love.
I thank you for striving always to be what must sometimes seem impossible: an alter Christus.
I thank you.

What little I can give in return, I do: my prayers, my penance, my own love, my own attempts at fidelity to Christ. God bless and keep you in His grace! May He draw you ever more fully into the depths of His pierced heart.

Annus Sacerdotalis: The official website put together by the Holy See's Congregation for the Clergy. Check it out!

A Face-Off

2009-06-24T16:53:00.004-07:00

I had a small epiphany recently, in the middle of typing an email to a dear friend. He had expressed his continued concern and prayers for me and my family, and I found myself responding thusly:

"Sometimes, though, I want to turn around and face down the devil who is trying so hard to sway me from my vocation, and to say to him, Back off from my family, punk! You have had your say, you have torn my own heart, but you shall come no farther! You shall not make my loved ones your tools, and in the process, break their own hearts and lives! In doing so, you will never win -- you will only serve to set heaven even more firmly against you than it already is, if that were possible. Begone, fool, and plague us no more with your anemic and ill-begotten pretenses of love!"

And somewhere in the middle of typing that paragraph, the idea changed from being a hypothetical to a reality. For, indeed, what is stopping me from doing exactly that? It is what needs to be done!

It finally hit me: What we are going through is certainly a real and bitter suffering, but it is larger than that. It is a battleground. The enemy knows my intention is to follow God and His loving will, and he knows that I am being drawn into a consecrated life of prayer and penance for the sake of God's priests. He hates every bit of that. He wants to stop me. And he knows my weaknesses so well that for years he has been launching his bitterest attacks on my family. He knows that if I am to be swayed, it is through them whom I love so dearly. And until now, I have allowed him to maneuver me into a defensive seige, acting as though he has the keener weapons and the stronger ground, trying as best I can to sheild and defend my wounded loved ones from the creeping death of starvation and disease that he has planted even within our walls.

But no! Why should I crouch beneath his feeble blows? Why should I dread his lying words of pain and loss and bitter resentment? I have the weapons in this war! I have the strength and the stamina not only to repel but to rout his fiercest onslaughts! "Stand and fight, you two-faced coward! No longer do I hide with my back turned behind these walls. No longer will I watch helplessly as you ravage my family. No! If you want them, come and claim them -- but you will have to get through me first, and I weild the weapons of grace and virtue and sacrament and love.

"Yes! I weild love. What do you have, o fallen angel? What do you know of love? You whisper lying words about it to my family -- I hear you! -- and you poison their minds and hearts with your pretense. Do you think that you will win me with lies? Love is stronger than death, as you know very well, and did you think I would believe that it cannot hold up over mere distance? Love has defeated sin, and it does again and again and again, and do you really think that it will not prevail over misunderstandings and prejudices? Fool! I have no time for your empty words!

"Oh, and before you turn toward my family again, seeking their ruin since you cannot gain mine, look around. You see, we have come out of our walled fortress, my army and I. You are no longer on offense, oh no. Quail before our banner! Flee in the face of our strength! I dare you to try to level the hosts of heaven, I challenge you to land one blow upon the victorious Lamb! We all stand between you and these precious souls. Begone, and weep your bitter tears of defeat on some other field."

If Satan wants a fight, a fight he will get. QM is no longer going to cower and whimper in anguish! Oh, no! Christ didn't stand by and wring His hands as the people He loved suffered. He took the blows first, for them, and thus gave meaning and redemption to their pain...and then He rendered it lifegiving.

Come, Lord Jesus!

Once again, I say "amen."

2009-06-08T13:51:00.003-07:00

This is one of my favorite songs from the "Christian" genre, and it also very aptly describes the dynamic in the Q household these days.

"I was sure by now, God, you would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say 'amen,' and it's still raining...."

Pray for us! Lord, have mercy!

At the Core of the Universe

2009-06-01T22:13:00.003-07:00

One of the most prevailing images in my prayer over the past decade has been that of being curled up at the foot of the Cross, embracing its wood in loving adoration. Below is a passage from the book Dear and Glorious Physician, Taylor Caldwell's beautiful novel of the life of St. Luke the Evangelist, in which passage I first found this image. I was 15, and ever since I read it, I have wanted to spend my life just so.

The setting is a temple in the house of the Magi, about two years after the birth of Christ.

Then in the center of the room was the strangest thing of all, not an altar, but something that struck a quick fear to the soul of the boy. On a wide central platform of three low white steps of marble stood the great symbol of the most infamous thing in the world, the symbol of the vilest criminality and death. It was a huge Cross, seemingly made of transparent alabaster, and it towered almost to the flat ceiling of smooth stone. Lucanus’ fear changed to awe and amazement. The Cross soared alone, and there was nothing in the temple but its simple and dreadful majesty, and no sound but absolute silence.

The light pulsed and waned, and the Cross waited. But Lucanus stood for a long time looking at it, his heart beating loudly in his ears. A few times, a very few times, he had seen a crucified man on one of the hills near Antioch, and he had been moved to tears and a nameless anger. And then he had seen the golden cross in Keptah’s hand on the night of the Star, over two years ago. He had almost forgotten.

Timidly, walking slowly so as not to disturb this sanctified silence, and not to quicken the ebbing and flowing radiance, he approached the Cross, and stood at the foot of the glistening shallow stairs looking up at it. Its mighty arms stretched far above him. It had a waiting and unearthly quality, cool and expectant. Its body was fixed and powerful, yet airy as light. It appeared less than stone now, to the boy, but something sentient and eternal, immovable in its vastness, carved in grandeur.

Lucanus stood and looked at it, and could not turn aside. There was nothing in him now but an unnamable anticipation. His throat throbbed. Without his volition his knees bent, and he knelt on the first step and clasped his hands, never looking away from the Cross. It loomed over him, and he felt some awful prescience in it, and yet it was as if the arms hovered over him protectingly. Now the light in the temple quickened, like the reflection of the moon on wide wings.

There were no thoughts in Lucanus, no awareness of flesh, only a deep wonderment and something like joy touched with grief. He knelt for a long time, his blue gaze lifted high to the Cross, his hands clasped.

He did not know at what moment the Cross began to brighten, and at what moment the Cross itself began to ripple with pale rosy shadows. It was as if his soul became aware of it long before his conscious mind, and so he was not alarmed. He was also dreamily aware of an unseen Presence, which was one with the Cross, one with the light, and one with himself. The Presence was like a shaft of deeper luminosity, and full of enormous masculine tenderness. Lucanus said aloud through pale lips, “The Unknown God.”

[…] He was filled with ecstasy, as if visions had opened before him, magnificent, yet dolorous with supernatural sorrow beyond the comprehension of men.

The flickerings on the Cross became deeper in hue and more intense, so that the white walls, floor, and ceiling paled like clouds, and were as tenuous. Slowly, moment by moment, the rosy and unquiet hue resembled the flowing shadows of blood, welling, falling, and drifting from the arms down the whole enormous body of the Cross. The pearly luminousness that flowed through the temple moved swifter, as if ethereal presences were gathering in greater concentration. The boy was conscious of no fear, only of growing wonderment and love so profound that his body could hardly contain it. The scarlet reflections from the Cross glimmered on his face, his white tunic, his clasped hands, and in his eyes, and on his bent knees.

Slowly, drawn as if by a spell, he stood up and mounted the shallow steps and stood on the level with the Cross. It was a tree of intermingling red and white, palpitating with a force unknown to him. He dared to put out his hand and touch it; it was cool to his touch, and yet it vibrated slightly. All at once he was overcome with a passion beyond rapture; he felt himself drawn into the very heart of the Cross. His legs weakened under him, and he slipped to the platform and wound his arms about the shaft and leaned his cheek against it, and without the slightest conscious knowledge his whole body trembled with adoration and the deepest peace he had ever known. He closed his eyes; he was at the core of the universe.

Detatchment

2009-05-25T16:12:00.002-07:00

Maybe it was something about the way the morning sun caught the porcelain. Maybe it was the article I had recently perused about the medieval Chinese ship that sank carrying its cargo of a thousand painted bowls. Maybe it was something I ate. Whatever the reason, I was arrested on my way from breakfast, and instead of brushing my teeth I found myself deep in thought in front of my mother's china cabinet.

There was something about the Royal Copenhagen collection, so neatly stacked and displayed, with its lacy blue filigree patterns cheerily heralding my ancestry. There was I-know-not-what about the heirloom tea-set, eggshell thin and encrusted more with gold than with enamel, brought from the Orient generations ago and passed down mother-to-daughter until it rested in this handsome cabinet. That same mysterious something beckoned from the wedding silver, from the Waterford crystal goblets, from the very table and chairs in our formal dining room. I stopped and considered.

Melancholy. Quietly poignant. Yes. That was it. That was the feeling.

So much of value is packed into that room, and not only of monatery value. Each precious piece tells a story, and as I reflected, I realized that their stories would have been...should have been...part of my own. They are not, now. I would have inherited much that rests within those glass-paneled shelves, and indeed, some of it may have been given me on my wedding day. I would have treasured these pieces as much as my mother does. It is a joy to set a rich and beautiful table, to treat guests or the family to a feast of the eyes as well as of the palate. It is a delight to use our heirloom porcelain, a celebration of who we are and whence we came. It is a privilege which I soon shall give up, for the sake of Lady Poverty.

This recognition came with a pang, but there was no bitterness. In fact, there seemed to be a question, an offer lingering in the air. "What do you choose, QM?" There is a good and beautiful life set before me, embodied in those plates. Happy faces around a happy table, a family full of love and life and laughter. A good life. A far cry from the silent simplicity of a convent refectory.

In many ways, this choice is what I see eating at my family as they grapple with my vocation. "How can you give up X for the rest of your life?" they say. "Why would anyone ever want to deprive herself of doing Y? We are sad because you will never have Z again."

And, indeed, I also grieve the loss of X, Y, and Z. But no one ever said that entering religious life was easy. No one ever said that it didn't entail sacrifice; quite the opposite! It is a turning away from worldly things, it is a denial of earthly pleasures. Anyone who tries to explain that away is lying. Sacrifice is the point, and the better and more beautiful the thing given up, the more perfect the sacrifice. To give up disordered things is not sacrifice; it is temperance. Only in the giving up of goods do we find true sacrifice. Consider the Cross. Consider Him who died on it.

There is great happiness, beauty, and goodness in the scene that lay before my mind's eye as I stood before the china cabinet. There is a holiness there, and a joy. There is something in my heart that does long for that richness, that delights in having beautiful things in a hospitable house. It is a wrench to tell my hands that they will never serve with the wedding silver, never pour with the eggshell china, never set a feast with the Copenhagen porcelain. It is a considerable effort to turn my heart toward the poorer life of a convent.

But I choose the silence.

I choose the simplicity.

I choose the One who has called me there.

My sister will receive, in her turn, all that once would have been mine. She will, I hope, learn to treasure it as much as I would have. For my part, I am content. Truly, how could I declare to the ages, "I chose plates over the call of the living God?"

The Passion Sign

2009-05-18T21:57:00.005-07:00

On one of the handouts I saved from my first encounter with the Passionist Nuns, there is a large picture of the Passion Sign. Above it, I jotted the phrase, "to so ponder the passion that it indelibly engraves itself upon your heart."

In its essence, that is the life of a Passionist, whether Father, Nun, Oblate, or Associate. To so ponder the Passion of Jesus Christ that it indelibly engraves itself upon the ponderer's heart. That is what the Passion Sign symbolizes, that white-on-black image of a heart with a cross above it and "Jesu Christi Passio" etched in white letters inside. Every vowed Passionist wears this badge over their own heart as an external sign of an interior reality. Every Passionist is continually drawn into ever greater communion with the Sacred Heart. This is their life.

A Passionist was once overheard praying aloud before a crucifix in an empty church. I first read his prayer over two years ago, and I trembled at its beauty. Now, reading it again -- having discovered it among my Passionist files -- I am surprised at how many of his words have become my own. Just a few nights ago, I knelt before a crucifix and spoke similar words to Him who bled for me. Thanks be to God for His great love and mercy!

A Passionist Prayer
Lord Jesus! for how many ages
have You hung upon Your cross
and still the world passes You by and regards You not
except to pierce anew Your Sacred Heart.
how often have I passed You by,
heedless of Your great sorrow,
Your many wounds, Your infinite love!
How often have I stood before You
not to comfort and console You,
but to add to Your sorrow,
to deepen Your wounds,
to scorn Your love!
You have stretched forth Your hands to comfort me, to raise me up,
and I have taken those hands that might have struck me into hell,
and have bent them back on the cross
and nailed them there rigid and helpless.
Yet I have but succeeded in engraving my name in Your palms forever!
You have loved me with an infinite love,
and I have taken advantage of that love
to sin the more against You;
yet my ingratitude has but pierced Your Sacred Heart
and forth upon me has flowed Your Precious Blood.
O Jesus! Let Your Blood be upon me
not for a curse but for a blessing.
Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world:
have mercy on me! Amen.

The Cross

2009-05-09T07:26:00.004-07:00

It is no flippancy that a Passionist Nun is called "bride of Christ Crucified." At one time, I rather glossed over this title, thinking that it implied a merely beautiful relationship between Sufferer (Christ) and Comforting Companion (bride). But to do so was to forget the intimacy of the vows which bind the nun's life to His. She spends her life at the foot of the Cross, not only "watching and praying" with Mary and John, but also profoundly united with the sufferings of Him who pours Himself out for the world's salvation.

Very soon after I gave my "yes" to the Lord, some two months ago, I found myself treading a Via Dolorosa. Though not entirely unexpected, it caught me off-guard by its immediacy and its grade. The details don't really matter here; what has become increasingly apparent to me is that this path is precisely the one which a Passionist is invited to tread. The Lord asks us to join Him on Calvary, to be united to His Sacrifice, to "make up in our own bodies what is lacking in His sufferings." We do not simply accompany Christ and tend to His pains as He suffers...we share in His pain. We place our own bleeding feet into His footsteps, we feel the weight of a cross on our own shoulders, we pour out our life for His sake and the world's. Such is the mystical relationship between Christ Crucified and His brides. When I said "yes," He began to teach me and to draw me into this life which now lies before me.

Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.

There are so many depths of suffering, so many colors of pain, and I know that I have not even begun to discover them. I tremble to think that I might, someday.

But even more than that, I fall to my knees in awe at the power of the Cross, the majestic mystery of the Passion which both unites God to our sufferings and gives meaning even to our brokenness. I am left speechless at the prospect of sharing -- sharing! -- the Cross of Christ and His saving work of redemption. It is, of course, the vocation of every Christian to do so...but the bride is invited to do so even more intimately. "The two shall become one." That is not an abstract reality, I am finding. Not at all.

It shouldn't be surprising that the vocation of Passionist includes a passion. It shouldn't be surprising that the pain is real, and that it is a struggle to suffer well, to suffer in union with the Crucified One. If it were not difficult to carry the Cross, it would not be a suffering. It would not be a Passion. The fact that Jesus fell three times on the way to Calvary is important to me, as is the fact that He wavered in the Garden. They show that He struggled to endure His Passion, that He almost didn't make it to Calvary. Suffering is not easy. But that doesn't mean that we should shirk the crosses that we are given to bear.

I have spent too much time the past few weeks seeking pity and comfort from those around me, too much time pitying myself for the hardships which have come with my choice. I have spent too little time with the Lord, far too little time studying and imitating his footfalls on the Via Dolorosa. What, shall I follow Him by looking back over my shoulder and dragging my feet? Shall I head towards Calvary and all the time wish that I was back at Cana? No.

I must, even and especially when it hurts the most, truly join Him in His suffering. I must give Him my love, my companionship. I must give Him, even when I have no strength to do aught else, the comfort of hearing my labored breathing and heavy, stumbling steps at His side as I carry my cross up the same hill.

Stages in Passionist Formation

2009-05-04T20:25:00.001-07:00

"So QM has finally decided to take the plunge," you say, "but what does that mean? What will she be doing after August 22, and what will she look like? When will I get to tease her about looking like a penguin?"

Dear Reader, I am here to satisfy your every curiosity. It certainly is one thing to claim, "I am going to be a Passionist Nun," and quite another to realize that there are ten years of formation before final vows! Here are the stages:

1) Contact with Monastery
Obviously, this stage varies in length more than any of the others. At minimum, it consists in written and verbal (via telephone) communication with Sister Vocations Directress, and ideally it also includes a visit or visits to the monastery. Personal contact with the sisters is vital not only for the discerner, but also for her potential community. Like love, discernment is a two-way street.

2) Aspirancy
If a young woman feels strongly that she may, indeed, have a Passionist vocation, she may apply to spend seven weeks to three months as an aspirant at the monastery. During this stage of her discernment, she lives, works, prays, and plays with the nuns, and she wears a white blouse, a black skirt, and a small Passion Sign pin. She also begins receiving instruction from Sister Novice Mistress and Mother Superior in the form of classes and individual direction. Since she is not officially a member of the community yet, there are a few practices in which she does not participate, but this period is very much the beginning of her formal formation as a Passionist Nun.

3) Postulancy
After completing aspirancy, the young woman returns home for at least a month. If she still feels that God is asking her to be a Passionist, she may request entrance into the community as a postulant. This step marks her official entrance into the community, and she wears a white blouse, black jumper, modified black veil, a Passion Sign pin, and a large crucifix around her neck. The daily life of a postulant is (I think!) similar to that of an aspirant, with the addition of certain penitential practices. Postulancy lasts anywhere from 12 to 18 months.

4) Novitiate
When, God willing, both the postulant and the community discern that she is called to enter the novitiate, she is clothed in the Passionist habit (black tunic, leather belt, 20-decade rosary [update: 10-decade rosary (thanks, Sister!)], and white veil) and given a religious name and title. She enters an intense, two-year period of prayer and instruction which will prepare her to make her religious vows.

5) Junior Profession
Upon completion of the novitiate and with the approval of the council (all perpetually professed members), the novice may profess her first vows. As a Passionist, she professes five vows:
-- To promote devotion to the Passion of Jesus Christ.
-- Poverty
-- Chastity
-- Obedience
-- Enclosure

During the rite of profession, her white veil is exchanged for black, the Passion Sign is pinned onto her habit over her heart, a ring is placed on her finger, a crucifix is given to her, she is crowned with thorns, and she takes a wooden cross onto her shoulders. All of these help to signify outwardly that she is now wedded to Christ Crucified. These temporary vows will be renewed for six years (normally).

6) Perpetual Profession
At long last, the sister can make permanent her five-fold vows to her Beloved Spouse. She is forever a bride of the Crucified!

mantilla twitch to the Passionists' website

May the Passion of Christ Be Ever in Our Hearts!

2009-04-29T10:50:00.005-07:00

*peers curiously around dusty corners of a long-neglected room*

Praised be Jesus Christ!

My fondest greetings, dear readers -- if indeed there are any of you left after these eight months -- and my most enthusiastic hellos. It has been a while! And much has happened.

I am still serving as the music director for the Church of the Assumption out here in Bellingham. My duties have proved to be much more extensive than ever I imagined, spanning the breadth of three adult choirs (one of which is Spanish-speaking), one youth praise-band, a corps of cantors, various pianist-organists and other instrumentalists, plus the picking-out of liturgical music for any and all liturgies which happen in the course of a large Catholic parish. Upon arriving here, I discovered that my predecessor left everything in complete disarray, and I have been industrially emptying, scouring, sorting, discarding, and filing ever since. My best estimates say that I am about 40% through our music archives (read: piles and stashes of random sheet music).

I have been learning SO MUCH about...everything under the sun! One of the perks of being a rookie is that I can only get better at what I do. Having never conducted before, I have developed some semblance of proficiency. Having rarely picked out congregational hymns before, after about seven months of practice I am getting faster at it. Having only ever attended one funeral in my life prior to this year, I now can put together and execute a meaningful Funeral Mass at the drop of a hat (or a casket lid, as the case may be...sorry...bad joke). Et cetera. The good people of Assumption, both those involved in ministry and the "pew people," have been more than gracious to me.

But all of this is prelude to my real news:

I am joining the Passionist Nuns of St. Joseph Monastery in Whitesville, KY!

I've blogged about them and my discernment before. Tentative plans are made to begin aspirancy on August 22 of this year. This is the reason I have emerged out of blogging hibernation; a motion has been made and seconded that I post some reflections as I prepare to enter this new phase of discernment. So watch this space! No more than once a week, mind you -- after all, part of the preparation is detachment from the things of this world -- but I thought that it would be a good idea to make a record of this process.

Come, Lord Jesus!

Multa Variaque

2008-09-04T21:16:00.002-07:00

From this evergreen land on the edge of the Pacific, where all the salmon are fresh and all the sunsets are spectacular, I greet you, my fair and oft-neglected readers!

I have two announcements:

1) Yours truly is now a bona fide employee of the Archdiocese of Seattle, having been offered the position as Pastoral Assistant for Music in her local parish. Hurray! And ACK!

2) Yours truly, having found that she is healthier and happier when not using the internet, is retreating from Blogdom permanently. This 'blog, namely Quantitative Metathesis, will remain where it is for the time being, but its blogmistress will not be writing new posts.

I know, I know. I can hear the weeping and gnashing of teeth echoing 'round the corners of cyberspace. But there it is! The monthlong break since my move has given me ample time to evaluate the situation and pray about the future of my existence as QM, and I have no misgivings about pulling away from my cyber-existence. It was fun, but its time is over, and I need to live wholly in the real world. I will not even be checking other blogs much, if at all.

I can, however, still be found on Facebook, and those of you who would like to keep tabs on me can find me there. My email address is also still good.

Thanks for nearly four years of fun! Oremus pro invicem.

Ex animo,
Quantitative Metathesis

My Bellingham Home

2008-08-10T13:09:00.002-07:00

Greetings, readers all! It is nearly a week since I arrived in Bellingham, WA, and I am (for the most part) settled into my new home. Already I have been commissioned to sing and play for a funeral and two weddings, with more on the way! It seems that I will be able to "make do" financially until I get a Real Job, though things are still tight. My hope is that, someday, I will be able to afford volumes 2, 3, and 4 of the Latin Liturgy of the Hours -- I had been using the library editions from the Saint Paul Seminary.

Fortunately for the 'blog, Geometricus found me a glorious link to an online Latin Breviary, and I shall be using its Office of Readings texts as often as I can.

The window of my westward-facing bedroom overlooks a beautifully lush garden, the Bellingham Bay, and the San Juan Islands. The sunsets are incredible here. The weather is quite cool, even now in the middle of August, with highs often merely in the sixties, but I am thus far resisting wearing my fall/winter clothes. Long black skirst just seem so...so anti-August!

Ah, yes, and I shall be visiting the Benedictines of Mary, Queen of Apostles starting on August 16. Hurrah! (Look at the picture on the main page of the Benedictines. Do you all remember Veritatis Splendor? That's her, second from the right on the bottom row!)

So kiss me, and smile for me...

2008-08-05T06:56:00.000-07:00

Well, my bags sit by the door, packed and waiting for tomorrow morning's departure. My newly-scrubbed rooms stand as they were when I arrived here, the furniture neatly arranged against the walls and the setting sun glinting off of the polished tabletops. It is as if I never lived here.

All that is left for tomorrow (after Mass and holy hour, that is) is to return my Latin breviary to the library -- for, indeed, it is not really mine -- and to drop a parcel in the mail. Before I say my goodbyes, I will put the sheets and towels that my landlady lent me into the wash. And that will be the end of it.

How I shall miss Minnesota! It has become such a home to me, these past six years, and my family here is just as much and more a family to me as any bonds of blood might make it. Six years! The longest period this Army Brat has ever lived anywhere. Six years, now come to an end. I shall treasure their every moment.

The Lord has given me several beautiful treasures in these last days. I hold close to my heart the tender parting blessing of my spiritual father, and the bright tears in the eyes of my best friend and former roommate as she struggled to maintain a brave face for me. I don't recall anyone else ever weeping at my departure. My ears still ring with the Gregorian melodies wafting through the nave of St. Agnes during my final Mass in that magnificent church, and my memory's eye is still gladdened by the richly colored sunset which painted the Mississippi River as I walked along its banks a final time. Oh, Lord, it has been good to be here!

But to all things in this world there must be an ending, and so I move on. As Mr. Bilbo always sang,
Roads go ever ever on,
Over rock and under tree,
By caves where never sun has shone,
By streams that never find the sea;

Over snow by winter sown,
And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass and over stone,
And under mountains in the moon.

Roads go ever ever on
Under cloud and under star,
Yet feet that wandering have gone
Turn at last to home afar.

Eyes that fire and sword have seen
And horror in the halls of stone
Look at last on meadows green
And trees and hills they long have known.

UPDATE 8/5 8:53AM:
Safely landed and currently moving into my new room. The serpent of rough transitions is already rearing its head, but I shall attempt to squash its brains out before it gets a good hold of me.

The Move

2008-08-01T08:25:00.002-07:00

Friends, I know I've not been around this week, despite my resolution to have a daily Office of Readings post...the truth is, I'm in the throes of packing up, saying goodbyes, and moving across the country, and I simply have not had the chance to blog. Alas, alack!

Since, as you know, I graduated with an MA this spring, and since my circulatory system will not allow me to weather another Minnesota winter, I am leaving my beloved Twin Cities and traveling West, to live closer to my parents and sister and to earn my keep until the time when, God willing, I may enter a monastery.

Please keep me in your prayers, especially on Monday (August 4), when I shoulder my violin, my bookbag, and my suitcase, and hie myself to Bellingham, WA, where a new (and non-student!) life awaits me.

Dominica XVII per annum

2008-07-27T18:49:00.001-07:00

Urgent prayer request for my friend P. Thank you.

Ex Homilíis sancti Ioánnis Chrysóstomi epíscopi in Epístolam secúndam ad Corínthios
(Hom. 14, 1-2: PG 61, 497-499)

Rursum Paulus de caritáte sermónem movet, increpatiónis asperitátem réprimens. Postquam enim eos coárguit, atque hoc nómine obiurgávit, quod amáti non perínde redamárent, sed ab ipsíus amóre sese abrumpéntes, áliis pestíferis homínibus sese adiúngerent, rursus obiurgatiónis acerbitátem lenit dicens: Cápite nos, hoc est: “Amáte nos.” Benefícium poscit mínime grave, et quod maióri iis qui dant, quam qui accípiunt, utilitáti sit. Nec dixit “Amáte,” sed, quod miseratiónem redolébat: Cápite.

Quisnam nos, inquit, a vestris méntibus abégit? quis eiécit? quid causæ est, quámobrem in vobis coarctémur? Quóniam enim supra dixit: Angustiámini in viscéribus vestris, hoc loco id apértius declárat dicens: Cápite nos, atque hac rursus ratióne ipsos ad se pértrahit. Neque enim quidquam est, quod perínde ad amándum allíciat, ut cum is qui amátur intéllegit eum, qui amat, dilectiónem suam summópere expétere.

Prædíxi enim, inquit, quod in córdibus nostris estis ad commoriéndum et convivéndum. Máxima vis amóris hæc est, cum, étiam contémptus, una cum ipsis et mori et vívere vult. Neque enim utcúmque estis in córdibus nostris, sed ita ut dixi. Fíeri enim potest, ut et amet quis et perícula fúgiat; at nos non ita.

Replétus sum consolatióne. Qua consolatióne? A vobis vidélicet manánte: quia ad meliórem frugem revérsi, per ópera me consoláti estis. Amántis enim hoc est, tum de eo, quod non amétur, expostuláre, tum metúere ne modum in accusándo excédens, mærórem áfferat. Ideo dicit: Replétus sum consolatióne, superabúndo gáudio.

Quasi dicat: “Magno contra vos mæróre afféctus sum; verum abúnde mihi satis fecístis, ac solácium attulístis: neque enim mihi solum mæróris causam ademístis, sed étiam uberióre lætítia me perfudístis.”

Deínde ipsíus magnitúdinem declárans, non hinc solum hoc osténdit, quod díxerit: Superabúndo gáudio, sed ex eo étiam, quod subdit: In omni tribulatióne nostra. Tanta, inquit, erat ea volúptas, quæ mihi a vobis alláta est, ut ne tanta quidem afflictióne obscurári potúerit, sed magnitúdinis suæ exuberántia moléstias omnes, quæ nos inváserant, frégerit, nec eárum sensu nos áffici permíserit.

From the Homilies of Saint John Chrysostom, bishop, on the Second Letter to the Corinthians

Again Paul presents a sermon about love, mitigating the harshness of his rebuke. For after he convicts them, and exhorts them earnestly in this name, which they, having been beloved, would not equally love in return, but broke themselves away from his love and joined themselves to other destructive men, again he moderates the bitterness of the exhortation saying: Take us in, that is: “Love us.” He asks a favor by no means serious, and which will be more profitable to those who give it, than to those who receive it. And he did not say “Love,” but, because it elicits pity: Take us in.

Who, he says, has taken us away from your minds? who has thrown us out? what reason is there, that we have been forced upon you? For because of this we have said above: You have been distressed in your hearts, in this place he declares it more openly saying: Take us in, and again with this reason he draws them toward himself. For there is not anything, which attracts someone to loving, as when the beloved understands that the lover seeks his delight more than anything.

For I have said before, he says, that you are in our hearts for dying together and for living together. This is the greatest force of love, when, even despised, he wishes both to die and to live as one with them. For you are not in anyway in our hearts, except thus as I have said. For it is able to happen, that one both loves and flees dangers; but with us it is not so.

I am full of consolation. What consolation? Surly from your remaining: because having turned back to a better fruit, you have been strengthened through my works. For this is of a lover, at one time to complain about the other, that he is not loved, at another time to fear that, overstepping in accusing the other, he has brought distress. Therefore he says: I am full of consolation, I overflow with joy.

As if he should say: “I have been afflicted with great distress against you; truly you have done enough now for me, and you have brought solace: for you have not only taken away the cause of my distress, but also have drenched me with more abundant happiness.”

Finally, proclaiming his greatness, not only showing this here, because he said: I overflow with joy, but even from that which he adds: in every one of our trials. Such, he says, was that pleasure, which was brought to me by you, that it was not able to be obscured even by such affliction, but was the abundance of your magnitude shattered all troubles which entered us, and did not allow us to be swayed by the experience of them.

Die 26 iulii: Ss. Ioachim et Annae, Parentum Beatae Mariae Virginis

2008-07-26T08:50:00.005-07:00

Saints Joachim and Anne, the parents of the Blessed Virgin Mary! (Ergo, the grandparents of Our Lord.) I wonder if they, in proper grandparent style, attempted to spoil their divine grandson with gifts?

Those of you who know me may know why I am rather fond of St. Anne. :-)

Ex Sermonibus sancti Ioannis Damasceni presbyteri

Quoniam futurum erat ut Dei Genetrix Virgo ex Anna nasceretur, natura gratiae germen antevertere non ausa est; sed mansit fructus expers, dum gratia fructum ederet. Nasci siquidem primogenitam oportebat, ex qua nasciturus esset omnis creaturae primogenitus, in quo omnia constant.

O par beatum Ioachim et Anna! Vobis omnis creatura obstricta est. Per vos enim donum omnium donorum praestantissimum Creatori obtulit, nempe castam matrem, quae sola Creatore digna erat.

Laetare, Anna sterilis, quae non paris: erumpe et clama, quae non parturis. Exsulta, Ioachim, quoniam ex filia tua puer natus est nobis, et filius datus est nobis, et vocabitur nomen eius magni consilii, salutis universi mundi, Angelus, Deus fortis. Puer iste Deus est.

O beatum par Ioachim et Anna, immaculatissimum prorsus! Ex fructu ventris vestri cognoscimini, velut alicubi Dominus ait: Ex fructibus eorum cognoscetis eos. Uti Deo gratum erat, atque ea dignum quae ex vobis orta est, vitae vestrae rationes instituistis. Casta enim et sancta conversatione vestra virginitatis monile protulistis, eam, quae ante partum virgo foret, atque in partu virgo nec non virgo post partum; illam, inquam, quae sola semper, tum mente tum animo, tum etiam corpore virginitatem cultura esset.

O castissimum par Ioachim et Anna! Vos castitatem, quam naturae lex praescribit, conservantes, ea quae naturam superant, divinitus estis consecuti: mundo quippe Dei matrem viri nesciam peperistis. Vos pie et sancte in humana natura vitam agentes, filiam angelis superiorem nuncque angelorum dominam edidistis. O speciosissima dulcissimaque puella! O filia Adami et Dei mater! Beati lumbi et venter, ex quibus prodiisti! Beatae ulnae, quae te gestaverunt; labia item, quibus castis osculis frui concessa es, parentum nempe dumtaxat tuorum, ut in omnibus semper virginitatem colores! Iubilate Deo, omnis terra, cantate, exsultate et psallite. Exaltate vocem vestram, exaltate, nolite timere.

From the Sermons of Saint John Damascene, priest

Because it would be that the Virgin Mother of God would be born of Anna, nature did not dare to turn back the seed of grace; but having nothing to do with the fruit, left it alone, while grace brought forth the fruit. For indeed it was necessary that the firstborn girl be born, from whom the firstborn of all creation would be born, in whom all things exist.

O blessed pair, Joachim and Anne! All creation is obliged to you. For through you creation received the most excellent gift of all the gifts of the Creator, namely that spotless mother who alone was worthy of the Creator.

Be glad, barren Anna, who does not bear children: burst forth and shout, you who will not give birth. Exult, Joachim, for from your daughter a child is born to us, and a son is given to us, and his name shall be called great counselor, the salvation of the whole world, the Angel, mighty God. That boy is God.

O blessed pair, Joachim and Anne, indeed most immaculate! From the fruit of your womb you are known, as the Lord says somewhere: From their fruits you will know them. As it was pleasing to God, and worthy of her who was born from you, you have put in place the nature of your life. For by your blameless and holy intercourse you brought forth the jewel of virginity, the maiden who would be a virgin before childbirth, and a virgin during childbirth, and even a virgin after childbirth; that maiden, I say, who alone and always, both in mind and spirit and even in body would cultivate virginity.

O most blameless pair, Joachim and Anne! You, preserving that chastity which the law of nature prescribes, have by divine aid followed the things which are above nature: you have given birth for the world to one who knew not a man and yet was mother of God. You, leading your life in a pious and holy way according to human nature, have raised up a daughter higher than the angels and, now, the queen of the angels. O most beautiful and sweetest maiden! O daughter of Adam and mother of God! Blessed are the loins and womb from which you have been born! Blessed is the arm which bore you, and the lips on which you were allowed to delight in pure kisses – of course, in this matter, the lips of your parents, so that in all things you might always give color to virginity! Rejoice in God, every land, sing, exult and sing praise. Raise up your voice, raise it up, do not be afraid.

Die 25 iulii: S. Iacobi, Apostloi

2008-07-25T11:58:00.004-07:00

Happy feast of Saint James, apostle, martyr, and patron of Spain (among other things)! This year I am particularly excited about St. James because I hope to be traveling the pilgrim's route to Sant'Iago de Compostella (the famous and ancient Spanish camino) next summer.

Also, to my great delight, we had a young [and reverant and good-looking] Spanish priest celebrating the university Mass this morning, bringing the Jacobian patronage that much closer to home. :-)

Without further ado, we delve into our "lectio altera" for the day:

Ex Homiliis sancti Ioannis Chrysostomi episcopi in Matthaeum

Christum urgent filii Zebedaei hoc verbo: Dic ut sedeat unus a dextris tuis et unus a sinistris. Quid igitur ille? Ut ostendat illus nec spiritale quidpiam petere, neque si scirent quid hoc esset, umquam petere ausuros fuisse, ait: Nescitis quid petatis; quam magnum nempe sit, quam mirabile, quam superet ipsas supernas potestates. Deinde subiungit: Potestis bibere calicem quem ego bibiturus sum, et baptismo quo ego baptizor? “Vos quidem de honore deque coronis mecum loquimini,” inquit; “ego vero de certaminibus et de sudoribus loquor. Non est enim hoc praemiorum tempus, neque nunc gloria illa mea apparebit; sed praesens vita est caedium, belli ac periculorum.”

Et vide quo pacto ex modo interrogandi et hortetur et trahat. Neque enim dixit: “Potestis caedem ferre? potestis sanguinem vestrum fundere?” Sed quomodo? Potestis bibere calicem?Deinde alliciens eos, ait: Quem ego bibiturus sum, ut ex consortio suo promptiores fierent. Baptisma autem vocat illud, ostendens magnam inde purgationem toti orbi fore. Postea dicunt illi: Possumus. Ex animi fervore statim promittunt, nescientes quid dicerent, sed exspectantes se quod petebant impetraturos esse.

Quid igitur ille? Calicem quidem meum bibetis, et baptismate quo ego baptizor baptizabimini. Magna illis prophetavit bona; hoc est: “Martyrio dignabimini, et haec patiemini quae ego patiar, violenta morte vitam terminabitis, in hisque mihi consortes eritis. Sedere autem ad dexteram meam et ad sinistram non est meum dare, sed quibus paratum est a Patre meo.” Postquam illorum animos erexit, sublimioresque fecit, illosque maerore superiores reddidit, tunc illorum petitionem corrigit.

Tunc indignati sunt decem de duobus fratribus. Viden’ quantum imperfecti omnes essent, tum hi qui decem illos praecedere tentabant, tum decem illi qui duobus invidebant? Sed, ut dixi, post haec ostende illos mihi, et videbis omnibus hisce affectibus vacuos. Audi quomodo hic ipse Ioannes, qui nunc hac de causa accessit, primas semper Petro cedat, et concionanti et miracula edenti in Actibus Apostolorum. Iacobus vero non multo postea tempore vixit; ab initio enim magno ferebatur ardore, et missis humanis omnibus, ad tam ineffabile culmen ascendit, ut statim occideretur.

From the Homilies of Saint John Chrysostom, bishop, on Matthew

The sons of Zebedee urged Christ with this statement: Say that one of us may sit at your right and one at your left. Therefore what did he say? So that he might show that nothing spiritual can be requested, and that if they had known what this is, they never would have dared to request it, he says: You do not know what you ask; how great it certainly is, how wonderful, how it transcends those powers on high [I think he means “angels” here]. Then he continued: Are you able to drink the cup which I am going to drink, and the baptism by which I am baptized? “For you are speaking with me about honor and crowns,” he says, “but I speak about struggles and sweat. For this is not a time for privileges, nor will that glory of mine appear, but the present life is of slaughters, war, and dangers.”

And see by what manner of his way of asking he both exhorts and draws them. For he did not say: “Are you able to endure slaughter? are you able to pour out your blood?” But how? Are you able to drink the cup? Then alluring them, he says: Which I am going to drink, so that they might be more encouraged by his fellowship. however he calls it baptism, showing that there would be a great cleansing of the whole world. Afterwards they said to him: We are able. Immediately they promised out of the zeal of their heart, not knowing what they said, but expecting that they were going to procure what they asked for.

Therefore what did he say? Certainly you will drink my cup, and you will be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized. He foretold good things to them; that is: “You will be made worthy of Martyrdom, and you will suffer these things which I will suffer, you will end your life with a violent death, and in these things you will be my companions. But to sit at my right and at my left is not mine to give, but is for whom it has been prepared by my Father.” After he raised up their spirits and rendered them more exalted, and returned them as superiors to sadness, then he corrects their petition.

Then the ten were indignant about the two brothers. Do you see how much they all are imperfect, first these who try to go before those ten, then those ten who envy the two? But, as I have said, show them to me after these events, and you will see that they are empty of all these passions. Listen to how this very John, who just now because of this has approached [Jesus?], always cedes the primacy to Peter, both in preaching and in wonder-working in the Acts of the Apostles. But James is victorious not much time afterwards; for from the beginning he is borne by a great burning, and with all human things set aside, he climbed to such an ineffable peak that he immediately was killed.

[Did anyone else catch the INEFFABLE in today's reading? Hee!]

Hebdomada XVI per annum Feria Quinta

2008-07-24T20:11:00.003-07:00

Terrible! Just terrible! Look at the mess I've made of Ambrose's beautiful commentary! Ach! Eheu! (But I don't have time for a better translation, so we'll all just have to deal with it. My day job is eating my life right now.)

Ex Explanatiónibus psalmórum sancti Ambrósii epíscopi

Quare fáciem tuam avértis? Avértere a nobis Deum fáciem suam putámus, quando sumus in aliquíbus afflictiónibus constitúti, ut ténebræ nostro offundántur afféctui, quibus impedíti fulgórem veritátis óculis nostris hauríre nequeámus. Etenim si in nostrum Deus atténdat ingénium et nostram mentem visitáre dignétur, certi sumus quod nulla res nobis calíginem possit obdúcere. Etenim si vultus hóminis céteris membrórum pártibus plus refúlget et quemcúmque intuémur vel incógnitum agnóscimus vel cógnitum recognóscimus, quem aspéctus noster latére non pátitur, quanto magis Dei vultus quem spectat illúminat?

De quo, ut cétera eius sunt, ita et hoc præclárum sancti Apóstoli qui vere intérpres est Christi, ut aptióre eum sensu et sermóne nostris infúnderet méntibus. Unde ait: Quóniam Deus, qui dixit de ténebris lumen splendéscere, illúxit in córdibus nostris ad illuminatiónem sciéntiæ claritátis Dómini in fácie Christi Iesu. Ubi ígitur in nobis relúceat Christus, audívimus. Est enim fulgor ætérnus animórum, quem ídeo Pater misit in terras, ut in eius illumináti vultu ætérna et cæléstia spectáre possémus, qui ante terréna calígine tenebámur.

Quid de Christo loquar, cum étiam Petrus apóstolus díxerat ad illum claudum ex útero matris suæ: Réspice in nos? Qui respéxit in Petrum et fídei illuminátus est grátia; neque enim accepísset remédium sanitátis, nisi fidéliter credidísset.

Unde, cum tanta glória esset in Apóstolis, áudiens transíre Dóminum Iesum Zachæus ascéndit in árborem, quia exíguus et pusíllus in turba eum vidére non póterat. Vidit Christum et lumen invénit, vidit eum et, qui ante aliéna rapiébat, sua cóntulit.

Quare fáciem tuam avértis? hoc est: Etsi avértis, Dómine, fáciem tuam a nobis, tamen signátum est in nobis lumen vultus tui, Dómine. Tenémus illud in córdibus nostris et in íntimo splendet afféctu: neque enim quisquam potest subsístere, si tu avértas fáciem tuam.

From the Commentaries on the psalms of Saint Ambrose, bishop

Why have you turned away your face? We think that God has averted his face from us, whenever we have been placed in any sufferings, so that upon our senses is poured darkness, through which we, impeded, do not wish to draw the fire of truth with our eyes. And even if God should impart his nature to us and should deign to visit our mind, we are certain that nothing is able to draw the fog away from us. And even if the visage of a man should shine more than all the other parts of his members and we observe whomever and either come to know a stranger or recognize someone familiar, who is not allowed to be concealed from our sight, how much more does the visage of God illuminate the one upon whom he gazes?

About which, as all the restof his are, thus also this brilliant [saying?] of the holy Apostle who is truly the mediator of Christ, so that he might pour him more fittingly into our minds by sense and word. Whence he says: Because God, who told the light to shine forth from the shadows, has begun to shine in our hearts for the illumination of the knowledge of the Lord’s brilliance in the face of Christ Jesus. Therefore, where Christ shines again in us, we have listened. For there is an eternal flame of souls, whom indeed the Father has sent into the lands, so that we, illumined in him, might be able to gaze upon the eternal and heavenly visage.

Why should we speak about Christ, since even the apostle Peter had said to the one lame from birth: Look at us? That man looked upon Peter and was illumined by the grace of faith; for heh never would have received the remedy of health, unless he had believed faithfully.

Therefore, since such glory was in the Apostles, Zachaeus climed into a tree when he heard that the Lord Jesus was passing by, because he, short and insignificant in the crowd, was not able to see him. He saw Christ and discovered light, he saw him and, he who before was plundering the possessions of strangers, sold his own belongings.

Why have you turned away your face? this is: Even if, O Lord, you turn away your face from us, nevertheless the light of your visage has been etched upon us. We hold onto that in our hearts and it gleams in our intimate affection: for no one is able to survive, if you turn away your face.

You know you're a church lady...

2008-07-24T19:05:00.002-07:00

...if you find yourself, when the skies darken and a summer thunderstorm begins pelting you with rain, chanting the Rorate caeli instead of running for cover. ;-)

Rorate caeli desuper, et nubes pluant iustum.

Ne irascaris Domine, ne ultra memineris iniquitatis: ecce civitas Sancti facta est deserta, Sion deserta facta est: Ierusalem desolata est: domus sanctificationis tuac et gloriae tuae, ubi laudaverunt te patres nostri.

Rorate caeli desuper, et nubes pluant iustum.

Peccavimus, et facti sumus tamquam immundus nos, et cecidimus quasi folium universi; et iniquitates nostrae quasi ventus abstulerunt nos: abscondisti faciem tuam a nobis, et allisisti nos in manu iniquitatis nostrae.

Rorate caeli desuper, et nubes pluant iustum.

Vide, Domini, afflictionem populi tui, et mitte quem missurus es, emitte Agnum dominatorem terrae, de Petra deserti montem filiae Sion: ut auferat ipse iugum captivatis nostrae.

Rorate caeli desuper, et nubes pluant iustum.

Consolamini, consolamini, popule meus: cito veniet salus tua: quare moerore consumeris, quia innovavit te dolor? Salvabo te, noli timere: ego enim sum Dominus Deus tuus, Sanctus Israel, Redemptor tuus.

Rorate caeli desuper, et nubes pluant iustum.

Hebdomada XVI per annum Feria Quarta

2008-07-23T18:34:00.002-07:00

A discouraged QM found some little comfort in today's reading. Perhaps you will, too.

E Libro De imitatióne Christi

Convérte te ex toto corde ad Dóminum et relínque hunc míserum mundum, et invéniet ánima tua réquiem. Est enim regnum Dei pax et gáudium in Spíritu Sancto: véniet ad te Christus, osténdens tibi consolatiónem suam, si dignam illi ab intus paráveris mansiónem.

Omnis glória eius et decor ab intra est, et ibi cómplacet sibi. Frequens illi visitátio cum hómine intérno: dulcis sermocinátio, grata consolátio, multa pax, familiáritas stupénda nimis.

Eia, ánima fidélis, præpara huic Sponso cor tuum, quátenus ad te veníre, et in te habitáre dignétur. Sic enim dicit: Si quis díligit me, sermónem meum servábit, et ad eum veniémus et mansiónem apud eum faciémus.

Da ergo Christo locum. Cum Christum habúeris, dives es et súfficit tibi. Ipse erit provísor tuus et fidélis procurátor in ómnibus, ut non sit opus in homínibus speráre.

Pone totam fidúciam tuam in Deo, et sit ipse timor tuus et amor tuus. Ipse pro te respondébit, et fáciet bene sicut mélius fúerit.

Non habes hic manéntem civitátem, et ubicúmque fúeris, extráneus es et peregrínus, nec réquiem aliquándo habébis, nisi Christo íntime fúeris unítus.

Apud Altíssimum sit cogitátio tua, et deprecátio tua ad Christum sine intermissióne dirigátur. Si nescis speculári alta et cæléstia, requiésce in passióne Christi, et in sacris vulnéribus eius libénter hábita. Sústine cum Christo et pro Christo, si vis regnáre cum Christo.

Si semel perfécte introísses in interióra Iesu, et módicum de ardénti amóre eius sapuísses, tunc de próprio cómmodo vel incómmodo nihil curáres, sed magis de oppróbrio illáto gaudéres, quia amor Iesu facit hóminem seípsum contémnere.

From the Book “On the imitation of Christ”

Turn yourself toward the Lord with your whole heart and leave behind this pitiable world, and your soul shall find rest. For the kingdom of God is peace and joy in the Holy Spirit: Christ will come to you, offering to you his consolation, if you have rendered your mansion worthy of him from within.

Every glory and charm of his is from within, and there he shall be pleased [???]. Often is his visit with an internal man: a sweet conversation, a delightful consolation, great peace, friendship to be greatly wondered at.

Ah, faithful soul, prepare your heart for this Bridegroom, until he deigns to come to you and to dwell in you. For thus he says: If anyone loves me, he will obey my command, and we will come to him and make our abode with him.

Therefore give a place to Christ. Since you posses Christ, you are rich and he is enough for you. He will be your providor and your faithful defender in all things, so that it will not be necessary to hope in men.

Put your whole faith in God, and let him be your fear and your love. he will respond to you, and he will do well the thing which will be better. [weird Latin]

You do not have here an enduring city, and wherever you may be, you are a stranger and a wanderer, and you will not have rest at any time, unless you are intimitely united with Christ.

May your throught be with the Most High, and may your prayer be directed to Christ without ceasing. If you do not know how to observe the high and heavenly things, rest in the passion of Christ, and freely dwell in his holy wounds. Stay with Christ and for Christ, if you wish to reign with Christ.

If even once you had perfectly entered into the interior life of Jesus, and you had tasted a tiny bit of his ardent love, then you would care for nothing of your particular comfort or discomfort, but you would rejoice rather about that scandal, that love of Jesus makes a person to hold himself in contempt.

Die 22 iulii: S. Mariae Magdalenae

2008-07-22T18:31:00.004-07:00

Happy feast of the Magdalene today! I am especially praying for a particular friend, for it is her feast day, and she is coming up on her year anniversary of entering religious life.

In other news, I just found out this morning that the translation of the Martyrdom of Saints Perpetua and Felicity which I have been working on for a few weeks will be PUBLISHED and COPYRIGHTED. *dies* I had been under the impression that this was merely for the use of next year's intro theology classes.

Also, for those who wonder about these things, Fr. Reggie Foster of Latin fame has finally had the operation on his leg (it's been needed since he fell two weeks ago) and should be heading home from the hospital soon. My sources say that he is in good spirits and has had many students, CDs, and German pickles to keep him company as he's been laid up.

Today our good friend Gregorio Magno (as we'd call him in Fr. Reggie's class) gives us a reflection on Mary Magdalene's recognition of her risen Lord.

Ex Homiliis sancti Gregorii Magni papae in Evangelia

Maria Magdalene, postquam venit ad monumentum, ibique corpus dominicum non invenit, sublatum credidit atque discipulis nuntiavit. Qui venientes viderunt atque ita esse ut mulier dixerat crediderunt. Et de eis protinus scriptum est: Abierunt ergo discipuli ad semetipsos. Ac deinde subiungitur: Maria autem stabat ad monumentum foris plorans.

Qua in re pensandum est huius mulieris mentem quanta vis amoris accenderat, quae a monumento Domini, etiam discipulis recedentibus, non recedebat. Exquirebat quem non invenerat, flebat inquirendo et, amoris sui igne succensa, eius quem ablatum credidit ardebat desiderio. Unde contigit ut eum sola tunc videret, quae remansit ut quaereret, quia nimirum virtus boni operis perseverantia est, et voce Veritatis dicitur: Qui autem perseveraverit usque in finem, hic salvus erit.

Quaesivit ergo prius, et minime invenit; perseveravit ut quaereret, unde et contigit ut inveniret, actumque est ut desideria dilata crescerent, et crescentia caperent quod invenissent. Sancta enim desideria dilatione crescunt. Si autem dilatione deficiunt, desideria non fuerunt. Hoc amore arsit, quisquis ad veritatem pertingere potuit. Hinc namque David ait: Sitivit anima mea ad Deum vivum; quando veniam et apparebo ante faciem Dei? Hinc iterum Ecclesia in Canticis canticorum dicit: Vulnerata caritate ego sum. Hinc rursus ait: Anima mea liquefacta est.

Mulier, quid ploras, Quem quaeris? Interrogatur doloris causa, ut augeatur desiderium, quatenus cum nominaret quem quaereret in amore eius ardentius aestuaret.

Dicit ei Iesus: Maria. Postquam eam communi vocabulo appellavit ex sexu, et agnitus non est, vocat ex nomine. Ac si ei aperte dicat: “Recognosce eum, a quo recognosceris. Non te generaliter ut certeros, sed specialiter scio.” Maria ergo, quia vocatur ex nomine, recognoscit auctorem, atque eum protinus “rabboni,” id est “magistrum” vocat, quia et ipse erat qui quaerebatur exterius, et ipse qui eam interius ut quaereret docebat.

From the homilies of Saint Gregory the great, pope, on the Gospels

Mary Magdalene, after she came to the tomb and did not find the body of the Lord there, believed that it had been taken away and told the disciples. Arriving, they say wand believed that it was just as the woman had said. And about them it was written farther on: Therefore the disciples departed to their homes [???]. And then it continues: However, Mary stood outside the tomb, weeping.

In which matter it must be pondered how much the force of love inflamed the mind of this woman, who did not retreat from the Lord’s tomb, even as the disciples were retreating. She sought diligently him whom she had not found, she wept with seeking and, the fire of her love having been kindled, burned with desire for him whom she believed to have been taken away. Whence it happened that she alone saw him then, who remained in order to seek him, because perseverence is without a doubt a virtue of a good work, and it is said by the voice of truth: He, however, who perseveres all the way to the end, this man will be saved.

Therefore she first sought, and by no means found; she persevered in seeking, whence she also succeeded in finding, and it happened that her prolonged longings grew, and as they were growing they seized what she had found. For holy longings grow with delaying. However, if they perish from delaying, they were not longings. He burns with this love, whoever is able to attain to truth. For hence David says: My soul thirsts for the living God; when shall I come and appear before the face of God? Again, hence the Church in the Song of Songs says: I have been wounded by love. Again hence she says: My soul is dissolved.

Woman, why do you weep, Whom do you seek? The cause of her grief is asked, so that he might increase her desire, to the extent that when she names the one whom she seeks she might burn more ardently in his love.

Jesus says to her: Mary. After he called her by the common term of her sex, and he was not recognized, he calls her by name. It is as if he says to her openly: “Recognize him, by whom you are recognized. I do not know you generally as the others do, but particularly.” Therefore Mary, because she is called by name, recognizes her creator, and immediately calls him “rabboni,” that is, “teacher,” because on the one hand it was he who was being sought exteriorly, and it was he who taught her interiorly so that she might seek him.

Hebdomada XVI per annum Feria Secunda

2008-07-21T20:20:00.001-07:00

Ten minute translation! Apologies for errors, etc.

De Epístola sancti Ignátii Antiochéni epíscopi et mártyris ad Magnésios

Cum ítaque in persónis supra dictis omnem multitúdinem in fide conspexíssem ac dilexíssem, hortor, ut in concórdia Dei ómnia perágere studeátis, epíscopo præsidénte loco Dei et presbýteris loco senátus apostólici, et diáconis mihi suavíssimis concréditum habéntibus ministérium Iesu Christi, qui ante sæcula apud Patrem erat et in fine appáruit. Omnes ígitur, accéptis iísdem divínis móribus, vos mútuo revereámini et nemo secúndum carnem spectet próximum, sed in Iesu Christo vos ínvicem semper diligátis. Nihil sit in vobis, quod possit vos dirímere, sed uniámini epíscopo et præsidéntibus, in typum et demonstratiónem immortalitátis.

Quemádmodum ígitur Dóminus sine Patre, ipsi unítus, nihil fecit, neque per se ipsum neque per apóstolos: ita neque vos sine epíscopo et presbýteris quidquam peragátis; neque aggrediámini, ut quidquam a vobis separátim factum decens appáreat, sed in unum conveniéntibus una sit orátio, una precátio, una mens, una spes in caritáte, in gáudio sancto, unus est Iesus Christus, quo nihil præstántius est. Omnes velut in unum templum Dei concúrrite, velut ad unum altáre, ad unum Iesum Christum, qui ab uno Patre pródiit et apud unum fuit ad eúmque revérsus est.

Ne seducámini aliénis doctrínis neque vetéribus fábulis, quæ sunt inútiles. Si enim adhuc iuxta legem iudáice vívimus, confitémur nos grátiam non accepísse. Diviníssimi namque prophétæ iuxta Iesum Christum vixérunt. Ob hoc et persecutiónem passi sunt, grátia ipsíus inspiráti, ut incréduli certi redderéntur, quod unus sit Deus, qui seípsum manifestáverit per Iesum Christum Fílium suum, qui est Verbum eius e siléntio progréssum, qui in ómnibus ei, qui ipsum míserat, complácuit.

Si ígitur, qui in vétere rerum órdine degérunt, ad novam spem pervenérunt, non ámplius sábbatum coléntes, sed iuxta domínicam vivéntes, in qua et vita nostra exórta est per ipsum et mortem ipsíus (quod quidam negant, per quod mystérium fidem accépimus, et propter hoc sustinémus, ut inveniámur discípuli Iesu Christi, solíus doctóris nostri); quómodo nos potérimus vívere sine ipso, quem étiam prophétæ, cum essent spíritu discípuli eius, ut doctórem exspectábant? Et propter hoc is, quem iuste præstolabántur, advéniens suscitávit ipsos ex mórtuis.

From the letter of Saint Ignatius of Antioch, bishop and martyr, to the Magnesians

Therefore, since in the above-mentioned persons I have beheld and loved the whole multitude [of you] in faith, I ask that you be zealous to carry out all things in the harmony of God, with the bishop presiding in the place of God and the priests in the place of the council of apostoles, and the deacons very dear to me having the entrusted ministry of Jesus Christ, who was with the Father before the ages and has appeared in the end. Therefore may all of you, after these same divine customs have been received, hold each other mutually in respect and let no one regard his neighbor according to the flesh, but may you always love one another. May nothing be among you which is able to separate you, but may you be one with the bishop and the presiding ones, in the image and example of the immortal ones.

Therefore just as the Lord did nothing without the Father united to himself, neither through his own self nor through the apostles: so neither will you carry out anything without the bishop and the priests; neither will you begin anything, so that anything done appears proper to you seperately, but for you coming together into one body let there be one discourse, one prayer, one mind, one hope in love, in holy joy, Jesus Christ is one, whom nothing surpasses. All of you run, just as to one temple of God, just as to one altar, to one Jesus Christ, who procedes from one Father and was with one [Father] and has returned to him.

Do not be seduced by strange doctrines nor by old tales, which are vain. For if we still live according to the Jewish law, we confess that we have not received grace. For the most divine prophets have lived according to Jesus Christ. Because of this they also suffered persecution, inspired by his own grace, so that the unbelievers might be returned to belief, that God is one, who manifested his very self through Jesus Christ his Son, who is his Word proceding out of the silence, who in all things has greatly pleased him, who had sent him.

Therefore if they who have lived in the old order of things, have arrived at new hope, no longer observing the sabbath, but living according to the Lord’s day, on which also our life has arisen through him and his death (the thing which they certainly deny, we accept through that mystery of faith, and because of this we are sustained, so that we might be found disciples of Jesus Christ, our only teacher); how will we be able to live without that one, whom even the prophets, since they were his disciples in spirit, awaited as their teacher? And because of this he, whom they rightly awaited, coming to them raised them from the dead.

Dominica XVI per annum

2008-07-20T20:45:00.001-07:00

Today we begin a new tract! I really need to do these earlier in the day. *rubs eyes*

Incipit Epístola sancti Ignátii Antiochéni epíscopi et mártyris ad Magnésios

Ignátius, qui et Theóphorus, benedíctæ grátia Dei Patris in Christo Iesu salvatóre nostro, in quo salúto Ecclésiam, quæ Magnésiæ est ad Mæándrum, optóque in Deo Patre et in Iesu Christo plúrimam salútem.

Cum caritátem vestram religiósam pérbene ordinátam cognovíssem, exsúltans in fide Iesu Christi vos álloqui decrévi. Ornátus enim honorificentíssimo nómine in vínculis quæ circúmfero, laudo Ecclésias, quibus uniónem opto cum carne et spíritu Iesu Christi, qui sempitérna est vita nostra, et uniónem in fide et caritáte, cui nihil præferéndum, máxime vero uniónem cum Iesu et Patre, in quo omnem príncipis huius sæculi vim sustinéntes et evadéntes, Deo potiémur.

Cum ítaque dignus sim hábitus, ut vídeam vos per Damam epíscopum vestrum Deo dignum et per dignos presbýteros Bassum et Apollónium et per consérvum meum Zotiónem diáconum, quo útinam fruar, quia súbditus est epíscopo ut benignitáti Dei et presbytério ut legi Iesu Christi.

Sed et vos decet non familiárius uti ætáte epíscopi, sed respéctu poténtiæ Dei Patris omnem impertíri illi reveréntiam, quemádmodum cognóvi et sanctos presbýteros non abúti iuveníli eius condicióne conspícua, sed ut prudéntes in Deo cédere ei, non ei autem, sed Patri Iesu Christi, ómnium epíscopo. In honórem ígitur illíus, qui amat nos, decet obœdíre sine ulla hypócrisi; quia non epíscopum hunc visíbilem quis fallit, sed invisíbilem decípere conátur. Quidquid vero est eiúsmodi, non ad carnem refértur, sed ad Deum, qui abscóndita cognóscit.

Decet ítaque non modo vocári christiános, sed étiam esse; quemádmodum nonnúlli epíscopum quidem nóminant, sed ómnia sine eo fáciunt. Tales vero non bona consciéntia mihi præditi esse vidéntur, quia non fírmiter secúndum præcéptum congregántur.

Quia autem res finem habent et duo simul propósita sunt, mors et vita, et unusquísque in próprium locum itúrus est, quemádmodum enim sunt numísmata duo, álterum quidem Dei, álterum autem mundi, et unumquódque próprium charactérem habet impósitum, infidéles charactérem mundi huius, fidéles autem in caritáte charactérem Dei Patris per Iesum Christum, per quem nisi propénsa nobis est volúntas mori iuxta ipsíus passiónem, nec vita ipsíus in nobis est.

The letter of Saint Ignatius of Antioch, bishop and martyr, to the Magnisians begins:

Ignatius, who is also [called] Theophorus, to the [one] blessed with the grace of God the Father in Christ Jesus our savior, in whom I greet the Church which is in Magnesia near Maeander, and I hope for abundant health in God the Father and in Jesus Christ.

Since I came to know of your devout love which is well ordered, I have decided to speak with you rejoicing in the faith of Jesus Christ. For having been decorated by the most honorable name in the chains which surround me, I praise the Churches, for whom I hope for union with the flesh and spirit of Jesus Christ, who is our everlasting life, and for union in faith and love, to which nothing must be preferred, by especially for union with Jesus and the Father, in which we, holding back and leaving behind every power of the prince of this age, receive God.

Therefore, since I am worthy of the condition, that I may see you through Damas your bishop worthy of God, and through the worthy priests Bassus and Apollonius, and through my servant the deacon Zotonis, in whom I should rejoice, because he has been set under the bishop as the benevolence of God and under the priest as the law of Jesus Christ [I now write to you].

But also it is fiting that you do not treat the young age of the bishop too casually, but with respect for the power of God the Father to bestow upon that man every reverence, in the same way that I have understood that the holy priests also do not abuse the conspicuous situation of his youth, but as learned men in the Lord they give way to him, not only to him, but to the Father of Jesus Christ, the bishop [overseer] of all. Therefore to the honor of that man, who loves us, it is fitting to obey without any hypocrisy; because whoever deceives does not deceive this visible bishop, but he tries to beguile an invisible one. But whatever is in such a way, is not reported to the flesh, but to God, who knows hidden things.

Therefore it is fitting not only to be called Christians, but also to be [Christians]; in the same way that some call a certain man a bishop, but they do all things without him. But such things seem to me to be done not in a good conscience, because they gather together not securely according to precept.

Nevertheless, because things have an end and two things are proposed at the same time, death and life, and each is going to proceed in its proper place, for just as there are two coins, the one of God, but the other of the world, and each of them has its proper character stamped, the unfaithful people have the character of the world, but the people faithful in love have the character of God the Father through Jesus Christ, through whom unless the will has been given to us to die next to his very passion, neither is his life in us.